Fascinating topic. Eye contact is a weakness for me. I grew up with a trait of being very aware of social tension; being reflexive about behaving in ways to reduce it. I've got a habit of being anxious to put people at ease; to avoid making them nervous.
People have told me I'm intimidating or intense, when I had no idea or intention of seeming that way. Men can be quick to think eye contact from a man means a guy is itching to fight. Women seem to think it means you want her and she can have you easily. It seems like you're being transparent and giving her power she didn't earn or deserve.
Maybe also I got in a habit of avoiding eye contact with women because I got tired of spending time finding out she's too annoying or boring for me, so I'd rather just avoid wasting time, energy, attention, etc.
Funny, in high school, a friend had a crush on a pretty girl who wasn't my type. To him she was an unattainable prize. He felt sad. For some reason I viewed her with resentment. Maybe I thought she was conceited (I can't remember). Later she let me know she had been intrigued and turned on by my "icy stares". I wasn't even aware of giving her "icy stares". But maybe that story illustrates how effective sustained eye contact (or even just looking at her) can be.
Fascinating topic. Eye contact is a weakness for me. I grew up with a trait of being very aware of social tension; being reflexive about behaving in ways to reduce it. I've got a habit of being anxious to put people at ease; to avoid making them nervous.
People have told me I'm intimidating or intense, when I had no idea or intention of seeming that way. Men can be quick to think eye contact from a man means a guy is itching to fight. Women seem to think it means you want her and she can have you easily. It seems like you're being transparent and giving her power she didn't earn or deserve.
Maybe also I got in a habit of avoiding eye contact with women because I got tired of spending time finding out she's too annoying or boring for me, so I'd rather just avoid wasting time, energy, attention, etc.
Funny, in high school, a friend had a crush on a pretty girl who wasn't my type. To him she was an unattainable prize. He felt sad. For some reason I viewed her with resentment. Maybe I thought she was conceited (I can't remember). Later she let me know she had been intrigued and turned on by my "icy stares". I wasn't even aware of giving her "icy stares". But maybe that story illustrates how effective sustained eye contact (or even just looking at her) can be.