"Why meeting another’s gaze is so powerful:" the power of eye contact
The thing a lot of guys, and chicks, do wrong
Eye contact, eye contact, eye contact.
As well as sending our brains into social overdrive, research also shows that eye contact shapes our perception of the other person who meets our gaze. For instance, we generally perceive people who make more eye contact to be more intelligent, more conscientious and sincere (in Western cultures, at least), and we become more inclined to believe what they say.
Of course, too much eye contact can also make us uncomfortable – and people who stare without letting go can come across as creepy. In one study conducted at a science museum, psychologists recently tried to establish the preferred length of eye contact. They concluded that, on average, it is three seconds long (and no one preferred gazes that lasted longer than nine seconds).
Players practice it. Chicks respond to it.
Another documented effect of mutual gaze may help explain why that moment of eye contact across a room can sometimes feel so compelling. A recent study found that mutual gaze leads to a kind of partial melding of the self and other: we rate strangers with whom we’ve made eye contact as more similar to us, in terms of their personality and appearance
If she holds your eyes for those three seconds, go talk to her immediately. This chick is an example of eye contact's power. Chicks who need to learn girl game should also practice eye contact. Chicks who complain of not being able to meet men usually mean that they have poor girl game. Often their complaints come from being used to the sexual market power of being a young hot girl, then getting old or heavy enough that fewer men approach them.
Fascinating topic. Eye contact is a weakness for me. I grew up with a trait of being very aware of social tension; being reflexive about behaving in ways to reduce it. I've got a habit of being anxious to put people at ease; to avoid making them nervous.
People have told me I'm intimidating or intense, when I had no idea or intention of seeming that way. Men can be quick to think eye contact from a man means a guy is itching to fight. Women seem to think it means you want her and she can have you easily. It seems like you're being transparent and giving her power she didn't earn or deserve.
Maybe also I got in a habit of avoiding eye contact with women because I got tired of spending time finding out she's too annoying or boring for me, so I'd rather just avoid wasting time, energy, attention, etc.
Funny, in high school, a friend had a crush on a pretty girl who wasn't my type. To him she was an unattainable prize. He felt sad. For some reason I viewed her with resentment. Maybe I thought she was conceited (I can't remember). Later she let me know she had been intrigued and turned on by my "icy stares". I wasn't even aware of giving her "icy stares". But maybe that story illustrates how effective sustained eye contact (or even just looking at her) can be.