A note to guys who want to DM RedQuest and can’t read between the lines: don’t contact him with hopes of a long back-and-forth. Come with a purpose, bring something to make it worthwhile (a genuine question is a good start), then act on/deeply consider the answer.
I myself need to apply this to a friend I’ve been talking to, who used to be a total loner with a “world hates me” toxic mentality… after a year of challenging his beliefs, linking articles, giving him concrete actions to do, I’ve realized I was trying to coach him, and it doesn’t work unless he wants to put in the effort… it’s a waste (a VERY big waste, I have spent dozens of hours in conversation with him/typing out long detailed paragraphs), because all he sees is his deficiencies and trying to teach him to challenge his beliefs.
He has come a bit of a ways, in that now he doesn’t assume I’m upset at him when I don’t immediately reply or I send a long message, but it’s inefficient and would be effort better spent on this next point…
> "I think the main thing guys are looking for is a sense of belonging, a sense of validation from game." And he thinks the chats deliver that, along with a sense of faux belonging, even if it's a sense of belonging to a group of fools who can't see the bigger picture. The validation is supposed to fill some hole in their life. At some point, it's not even about the goal, it's about the camaraderie of being with other guys... many of whom fail.
I was one of those guys who first started taking serious action because of that desire to belong: first actionlessly watching YouTube videos, then taking some ineffective action (trying to Daygame on a college campus when I didn’t even know how to invite a girl to coffee sometime), then setting up and using my blog after reading (you can pay yourself on the back RQ) one of these articles about making your game blog, then finally investing in a coach.
Joining a forum that, similarly to RQ, strongly encourages you to take action and doesn’t spend much energy on you if you don’t, KYIL forums in my case, was another helpful step. Camaraderie is better in person too. But make sure it’s guys who want to take action so you can push each other to greater heights, not get dragged down.
I'm not opposed to DMs / emails and I'll do some chat but the important question is, "What is this guy doing? What's he doing to make the world a better place?" If the answers are "nothing and nothing..." then why would I want to talk much to him? I'd tell him to go out and do some things and then report back on whatever he's doing. If he's not doing anything then yeah, I don't have much to say... most people are complacent, like the guy you know.
There's a guy in particular I talk sometimes to via Twitter DMs, and he'll send these hilarious screenshots of conversations with chicks and all the various chicks he's talking to... sometimes the nudes... I bet he'd make a good wing for the right guy.
It's useful with guys like the boring one you know to say, "Read this book, then go bench press at the gym." They don't do it, and then it's mostly time to move on. I've spent some time with this guy https://theredquest.substack.com/p/teaching-zach-the-basics-of-talking cause he's doing some shit. Is he pretty far behind? Yeah, but he's making some progress.
I "talk" to thousands of guys a week via the site you are reading right now. Is it better to talk to one guy, or thousands?
>>Camaraderie is better in person too. But make sure it’s guys who want to take action so you can push each other to greater heights, not get dragged down.
Yes, definitely, as long as the guys are making progress... are they boats, or anchors? Obviously no one is perfect... I am not Elon Musk in terms of energy or achievement... but it's vital to find guys who are moving. Let me quote Breeze, https://daygamebreeze.com/2023/02/05/lessons-from-ramblin/,
>>I enjoy daygame sessions with a good wing. It’s an opportunity to share war stories, ideas about game, pick up each others vibe, and generally shoot the shit. It’s the brotherhood alongside the hunt.
>>By far, the best way to meet wings is through wings of wings. The second best way is through blogs and Twitter since you can vet each other’s mentality and vibe beforehand. Everything else is a roll of roulette. That includes meeting a wing on the street during a session, through a forum or a group chat.
I think Breeze is being too polite here in his phrase "roll of roulette," but you can read between the lines.
> Greater impact > lesser impact. Seems obvious, right?
A note to guys who want to DM RedQuest and can’t read between the lines: don’t contact him with hopes of a long back-and-forth. Come with a purpose, bring something to make it worthwhile (a genuine question is a good start), then act on/deeply consider the answer.
I myself need to apply this to a friend I’ve been talking to, who used to be a total loner with a “world hates me” toxic mentality… after a year of challenging his beliefs, linking articles, giving him concrete actions to do, I’ve realized I was trying to coach him, and it doesn’t work unless he wants to put in the effort… it’s a waste (a VERY big waste, I have spent dozens of hours in conversation with him/typing out long detailed paragraphs), because all he sees is his deficiencies and trying to teach him to challenge his beliefs.
He has come a bit of a ways, in that now he doesn’t assume I’m upset at him when I don’t immediately reply or I send a long message, but it’s inefficient and would be effort better spent on this next point…
> "I think the main thing guys are looking for is a sense of belonging, a sense of validation from game." And he thinks the chats deliver that, along with a sense of faux belonging, even if it's a sense of belonging to a group of fools who can't see the bigger picture. The validation is supposed to fill some hole in their life. At some point, it's not even about the goal, it's about the camaraderie of being with other guys... many of whom fail.
I was one of those guys who first started taking serious action because of that desire to belong: first actionlessly watching YouTube videos, then taking some ineffective action (trying to Daygame on a college campus when I didn’t even know how to invite a girl to coffee sometime), then setting up and using my blog after reading (you can pay yourself on the back RQ) one of these articles about making your game blog, then finally investing in a coach.
Joining a forum that, similarly to RQ, strongly encourages you to take action and doesn’t spend much energy on you if you don’t, KYIL forums in my case, was another helpful step. Camaraderie is better in person too. But make sure it’s guys who want to take action so you can push each other to greater heights, not get dragged down.
I'm not opposed to DMs / emails and I'll do some chat but the important question is, "What is this guy doing? What's he doing to make the world a better place?" If the answers are "nothing and nothing..." then why would I want to talk much to him? I'd tell him to go out and do some things and then report back on whatever he's doing. If he's not doing anything then yeah, I don't have much to say... most people are complacent, like the guy you know.
There's a guy in particular I talk sometimes to via Twitter DMs, and he'll send these hilarious screenshots of conversations with chicks and all the various chicks he's talking to... sometimes the nudes... I bet he'd make a good wing for the right guy.
It's useful with guys like the boring one you know to say, "Read this book, then go bench press at the gym." They don't do it, and then it's mostly time to move on. I've spent some time with this guy https://theredquest.substack.com/p/teaching-zach-the-basics-of-talking cause he's doing some shit. Is he pretty far behind? Yeah, but he's making some progress.
I "talk" to thousands of guys a week via the site you are reading right now. Is it better to talk to one guy, or thousands?
Writing publicly is a tangible, straightforward, pretty easy thing to do, so it's an example I return to of "are you doing things?", https://theredquest.substack.com/p/write-your-player-blog-its-an-advertisement-but-not-in-the-way-you-think
>>Camaraderie is better in person too. But make sure it’s guys who want to take action so you can push each other to greater heights, not get dragged down.
Yes, definitely, as long as the guys are making progress... are they boats, or anchors? Obviously no one is perfect... I am not Elon Musk in terms of energy or achievement... but it's vital to find guys who are moving. Let me quote Breeze, https://daygamebreeze.com/2023/02/05/lessons-from-ramblin/,
>>I enjoy daygame sessions with a good wing. It’s an opportunity to share war stories, ideas about game, pick up each others vibe, and generally shoot the shit. It’s the brotherhood alongside the hunt.
>>By far, the best way to meet wings is through wings of wings. The second best way is through blogs and Twitter since you can vet each other’s mentality and vibe beforehand. Everything else is a roll of roulette. That includes meeting a wing on the street during a session, through a forum or a group chat.
I think Breeze is being too polite here in his phrase "roll of roulette," but you can read between the lines.
I was allured by datepsych until I looked closer and realized most of his data is cherrypicked to support his own biases.
At least he's doing *something*, though.