A note to guys who want to DM RedQuest and can’t read between the lines: don’t contact him with hopes of a long back-and-forth. Come with a purpose, bring something to make it worthwhile (a genuine question is a good start), then act on/deeply consider the answer.
I myself need to apply this to a friend I’ve been talking to, who used to be a total loner with a “world hates me” toxic mentality… after a year of challenging his beliefs, linking articles, giving him concrete actions to do, I’ve realized I was trying to coach him, and it doesn’t work unless he wants to put in the effort… it’s a waste (a VERY big waste, I have spent dozens of hours in conversation with him/typing out long detailed paragraphs), because all he sees is his deficiencies and trying to teach him to challenge his beliefs.
He has come a bit of a ways, in that now he doesn’t assume I’m upset at him when I don’t immediately reply or I send a long message, but it’s inefficient and would be effort better spent on this next point…
> "I think the main thing guys are looking for is a sense of belonging, a sense of validation from game." And he thinks the chats deliver that, along with a sense of faux belonging, even if it's a sense of belonging to a group of fools who can't see the bigger picture. The validation is supposed to fill some hole in their life. At some point, it's not even about the goal, it's about the camaraderie of being with other guys... many of whom fail.
I was one of those guys who first started taking serious action because of that desire to belong: first actionlessly watching YouTube videos, then taking some ineffective action (trying to Daygame on a college campus when I didn’t even know how to invite a girl to coffee sometime), then setting up and using my blog after reading (you can pay yourself on the back RQ) one of these articles about making your game blog, then finally investing in a coach.
Joining a forum that, similarly to RQ, strongly encourages you to take action and doesn’t spend much energy on you if you don’t, KYIL forums in my case, was another helpful step. Camaraderie is better in person too. But make sure it’s guys who want to take action so you can push each other to greater heights, not get dragged down.
I was allured by datepsych until I looked closer and realized most of his data is cherrypicked to support his own biases.
At least he's doing *something*, though.
> Greater impact > lesser impact. Seems obvious, right?
A note to guys who want to DM RedQuest and can’t read between the lines: don’t contact him with hopes of a long back-and-forth. Come with a purpose, bring something to make it worthwhile (a genuine question is a good start), then act on/deeply consider the answer.
I myself need to apply this to a friend I’ve been talking to, who used to be a total loner with a “world hates me” toxic mentality… after a year of challenging his beliefs, linking articles, giving him concrete actions to do, I’ve realized I was trying to coach him, and it doesn’t work unless he wants to put in the effort… it’s a waste (a VERY big waste, I have spent dozens of hours in conversation with him/typing out long detailed paragraphs), because all he sees is his deficiencies and trying to teach him to challenge his beliefs.
He has come a bit of a ways, in that now he doesn’t assume I’m upset at him when I don’t immediately reply or I send a long message, but it’s inefficient and would be effort better spent on this next point…
> "I think the main thing guys are looking for is a sense of belonging, a sense of validation from game." And he thinks the chats deliver that, along with a sense of faux belonging, even if it's a sense of belonging to a group of fools who can't see the bigger picture. The validation is supposed to fill some hole in their life. At some point, it's not even about the goal, it's about the camaraderie of being with other guys... many of whom fail.
I was one of those guys who first started taking serious action because of that desire to belong: first actionlessly watching YouTube videos, then taking some ineffective action (trying to Daygame on a college campus when I didn’t even know how to invite a girl to coffee sometime), then setting up and using my blog after reading (you can pay yourself on the back RQ) one of these articles about making your game blog, then finally investing in a coach.
Joining a forum that, similarly to RQ, strongly encourages you to take action and doesn’t spend much energy on you if you don’t, KYIL forums in my case, was another helpful step. Camaraderie is better in person too. But make sure it’s guys who want to take action so you can push each other to greater heights, not get dragged down.