Teaching Zach the basics of talking to women (Part I)

Most guys never learn to master their own fears and emotions

A buddy I loosely know, Zach, is bad with women, but he is also learning how to be a man. That he's poor with women didn't matter much when I first met him,[1] because he was living with a high 6 / low 7 who was a bit above his sexual market value (SMV). He'd met her in college, when the sex ratio favored him. Their relationship was dysfunctional and and both of them were immature and thus unable to live effective lives together, or communicate with each other effectively. For those and other reasons, she eventually dumped him... which she was right to do, and should have earlier, given her own desires and his behavior (there are female betas out there and she is one).

The two of them were staying together out of weakness and desperation, not out of strength and deliberate choice. Zach stayed with her because he had no game, and in fact had anti-game, so he correctly worried about being able to find a chick of equivalent value. Millions of people out there are together out of tragic desperation: for men, game and lifting help solve this problem. Most "men" (scare quotes) feel they have no choice and must suffer whatever woman they're with. Game teaches men how to have real choice.

After the chick dumped Zach, he was a beta mess for a while, mourning how a woman above his SMV (she was thin while he was, at the time, not) had left him. But then he came to reevaluate the relationship, seeing her flaws and contributions to the relationship's demise, and realizing that he was staying with her not because he wanted to be with her, but out of that justifiable fear of his own low SMV.

Unfortunately, Zach was right about his SMV being low. Fortunately, he was friends with Uncle Red Quest, who has done extensive scouting in the mountains and valleys of female psychology, and who has been rejected by an order of magnitude more women than Zach has ever approached, and who has also f**ked 50x the number Zach had at the moment of his breakup. Those two are related, because, for all non-elite guys (not athletes, celebrities, etc.), there must be great rejection in order for there to be great success. "A guy who has succeeded is a guy who has failed," according to Stoic philosopher and Roman badass Marcus Aurelius. A non-elite man should learn a thing or two in the process of being with so many women, and it is useful to share the things learned with others. Probably it would have been smarter for me to learn everything there is about computers and the Internet and make a ton of money, but instead I learned the less-remunerative ways of the p***y.

I told Zach to go read THE GAME and THE MYSTERY METHOD, and, to my surprise, he did. Most guys, when told the steps they need to take to improve, don't. That he did showed that he's serious... if you're considering whether someone is worth helping, set some little tasks for that person and see if he does them. If he does, maybe he can be helped... if he doesn't, he can't be helped, and time spent trying to help him will be wasted. It’s true that some people read some book, like THE GAME, only to realize its value or lessons much later, and some people reject concepts that they initially find appealing… but, mostly, people can’t be helped much. Bet on that.

The only people who can be helped are the people who are willing to help themselves and who show that they're willing to help themselves. Since most people are complacently mired in their own failures, they won't do anything to help themselves and thus are not worth trying to aid, because aid will be wasted. The weak can be pitied but not helped. I've learned a lot about the p***y and female psychology, yes, but I've also learned about people. "Don't attempt to help someone who isn’t ready to do the hard work to change their lives. Trying to help anyone is usually a waste of time, but that person isn’t in a mindset that is conducive to being helped.

Zach was doing a few other things right... he was going to the gym with me, although he's not as hardcore about it as he should be, given his weight issues. Guys who are hardcore are guys who accomplish things. Zach is making strides in the right direction, unlike the guys who respond to breakups by becoming mired in weed, video games, jerking off, and moping. When life smacks you in the face, the response should be to figure out how to do better next time, but that's often not the response.

One night, we were out walking and talking, and ahead of us I saw a group of girls, who were standing near a thick pillar supporting a building, such that it would be possible for us to either pass them slightly on the socially awkwardly close side, or further away with the pillar separating us from the girls. Because I am who I am, I took the road less traveled and chose the closer side of the pillar, like a leopard slowly getting close to a herd of gazelle, and opened the girls with some cold reads about what they were up to. Unlike me, Zach took the far route, separating himself from the pussy, with a route that maintained social distance, making it hard to open them. The girls didn't hook on my opener or follow-ups, but we had a fun back and forth. I was pleased I put myself in the arena, where winning is possible. If I hadn’t talked to them, there would have been no chance. I'm out of the game but still leading by example in an effort to show Zach some basics.

Later, I asked Zach why he avoided the girls, and he mumbled some bullshit about being polite, which is another way of saying that he's too beta and scared to open. If a man is too scared to open, the pussy is not going to open itself. Women want a man who is strong but also socially aware and able to gracefully accept rejection. Most men can't play the social game. Their strategies are ineffective. Most males today (I can't call them men) prefer to play video games that give the appearance of achievement without real achievement. Getting inside a hot chick is a real achievement.

Guys achieve things so they can impress girls. In stories, guys slay the dragon so they can f**k the princess after. The dragons today are different, and most men still can't slay them. Most men don't even know where the sword or spear are, let alone how to use them, let alone how to slay the dragon. Most males today would rather watch video media in which someone else learns how to slay the dragon, than slay the dragon themselves. Some men run towards the pussy, and some men run away. Which are you?

After Zach ran from the pussy, I told Zach a version of this (the linked article has a lot of insight on the topic of being competent, and not pussy, so you should read it),

Smith did not have to order his Marines straight into the direction of the fire; it was a collective impulse—a phenomenon I would see again and again over the coming days. The idea that Marines are trained to break down doors, to seize beachheads and other territory, was an abstraction until I was there to experience it. Running into fire rather than seeking cover from it goes counter to every human survival instinct—trust me. I was sweating as much from fear as from the layers of clothing I still had on from the night before, to the degree that it felt as if pure salt were running into my eyes from my forehead. As the weeks had rolled on, and I had gotten to know the 1/5 Marines as the individuals they were, I had started deluding myself that they weren't much different from me. They had soft spots, they got sick, they complained. But in one flash, as we charged across Michigan amid whistling incoming shots, I realized that they were not like me; they were Marines.

I saw the pussy that night, and I went for it. Smith did not have to order me straight into the direction of the pussy; it was an automatic impulse—a phenomenon you will see again and again if you hang with me, or other true players. Running toward the pussy may run counter to normal human social impulses and normal male egos, which fear failure. At first, a guy who practices cold approach may be sweating as much from fear as from the layers of clothing he might be wearing. But as the weeks go on, as the months go on, and as the man builds his value and his cold approach skills, he may become different from other men. He will have soft spots, he will get sick, he will complain. But he will also become not like other men; he will become a player. Most men lack the will and the fortitude. Only a few have the will and fortitude. They are the who that step through the fire to get the good p***y.

Did my cold approach work that time? No. But I knew I wanted what was between their legs, and to get there I'd have to talk to them first. The point is not that the approach failed, as most approaches do, the point is that I tried, and trying is part of the journey to success. I asked Zach what he really wants in life, and if he wants what he's said he wants, why he runs from the pussy. I think that night he learned something, through observation.

Zach has mentioned that his dates (mostly from online, and we know how heavy girls online are) often feel too much like interrogations. I told him to make statements, rather than asking questions. "Are you into anime?" can be turned into a statement like "You seem like a girl who is into anime." If she's not, and she's offended by the supposition, you can work with her being offended by teasing her that she seems to have that vibe. She'll ask what that means, and you'll joke that "We both know what that means," before turning the conversation away from that subject and towards, "But if you're not into anime, tell me what you're into." The phrasing is important: "Tell me what you're into." You're not being a jerk in insisting that she do something, but you're encouraging her to speak, and you're not interrogating her.

You’re at the end of Part I. Part II is here. Like what you’re reading? Consider subscribing: for anyone who isn’t a beautiful woman, “money” is the best way of showing approval.

---

[1]It didn't matter MUCH, but it did matter, but smart guys have a couple women on deck, as loose "friends," if possible. For example, as I wrote, "Daygame and other elements of social life work together, too. I prefer real one on one dates… but sometimes you’re with a woman, and you want to have a few more on deck, and other methods come to the foreground. I don’t like getting caught in the open field without any cover around me."

I also said so a long time ago,

just as girls 'branch swing' into new relationships, it’s useful for guys to test their place in the sexual marketplace too. Not necessarily for a better offer, not automatically, but to see who is reacting and how they’re reacting (it’s possible to 'friend zone' chicks in order to keep them on deck, but most guys lack the game and lifestyle to make this a reality). Girls can sense a guy with options and when you take the easy shot you make sure, first of all to yourself, that you have options.

It's crazy to me to read early Red Quest, because so much of early Red Quest contains the seeds of topics I elaborate on later.

Zach had no game and so when his chick left him, he was bereft and unable to quickly acquire another. Smart guys try to know at least a few chicks they can hit up if their main chick is a no-go. "A man is as faithful as his options," Chris Rock said. He is a man of much wisdom.