Breaking it off with the secret affair girl

Broke it off with the girl from Women having affairs never make you use a condom, after seeing her, I don't know, five or six times... it was very nice, and yet after each time I found myself thinking the kind of things I've talked about on here before, like, "You can only have one or two main priorities in your life, and a couple secondary priorities, and after that you're out of time and energy." A lot of people fail to have a single main priority, besides something like video games or stuffing their face with sugar, and it shows. My main priority right now should not be chasing random skirt, as doing so is not consistent with my overall life goals. Problem being, when I think I can get a cute girl to pliantly spread her legs, my hindbrain says, "SCORE" and my forebrain is missing in action. When the girl and her perky tits and flat stomach are somewhere else, the forebrain can better assert control and whisper, "WTF are you doing with your life?", and I have to admit the forebrain has control.

We met in a neutral venue, as usual, f**ked very thoroughly, also as usual, and after that we got underwear back on and I broached the topic.

I don't remember exactly what I said but it was something like, "I like you a lot, and what we're doing a lot, but I'm not sure we should keep doing what we're doing." She seemed a bit surprised, but not surprised at the same time, sort of like a pandemic is a surprise we've been expecting for decades, or like we're going to be "surprised" when China invades Taiwan and we've spent the last five years with our heads in our asses, or like having a baby is both extremely normal and simultaneously shocking. She probed a bit about why and I was actually pretty straightforward with her, my theory being that these kinds of things rarely remain secret. It's too easy to make a mistake, and right now I need to be focused on other matters. I didn't specify what those other matters were. I did emphasize that I like her a lot and that this isn't about her. I'm not sure she believed it, she seemed like she wanted to cry at one point, but the "breaking it off" conversation wasn't long. If this were a few years from now, and I'd achieved some other things, I'd keep going. But it's not, and I've not, so here we are.

She turned out to be a lot like Peaches. Similar temperament and employment situation. Hot girl who doesn't behave like a hot girl, or seem to really get/understand that she's a hot girl. Not really sure why she's married (I'm not sure why she's married, that is... maybe she knows?). She's both very driven in some ways and drifting in some other ways. You know the people who are furiously pursuing a goal without asking themselves if the goal is worth achieving, or what happens the day after the goal? A bit like that. A girl who is very IQ smart but is kinda missing the point at the same time. Needs a lot of reassurance. Seems a bit impressed that I'm not too impressed with what she's doing, although I think it's a bit cool at the same time. I think she needs more sex than she's getting at home, and while I didn't say that to her in those exact words, I did tell her that she's a girl who needs to be f**ked a lot... and let a lot of the rest do the implying for me.

Despite having spent not a huge amount of time with her, but some time with her... I feel like I don't know her. Know her, know her. She's almost always a bit reserved. She needs/likes pretty heavy BDSM. Having the actual talk with her, the clean break, seems better and truer than letter her drift away. I think a lot of women today are justifiably annoyed with the number of grown males who still exhibit a lot of "boy psychology" instead of "man psychology" (a point made in KING WARRIOR MAGICIAN LOVER: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine)... "man psychology" often means politely but firmly telling her when it's over, so she can have psychological rest. It might hurt a bit more in the moment, but it hurts much less in the long term. Yes yes I know chicks usually ghost, but chicks do a lot of bad behavior that it's not good to emulate. A lot of guys are so stuck at the early levels of the game that they never get to the "How to break it off?" moment. Look for guys who talk about letting girls go, if they're discussing that they've often gotten to more advanced levels.

I'd be surprised, though, if this chick doesn't propose consensual non-monogamy to her husband. Maybe she's already been dropping hints towards that. I've told her things like, "You got married too young" "you need to experience life," other slut bromides designed to convey to her that what she's doing is normal and fun. It's part of my effort to give her permission... you'd be surprised at what chicks will do with male permission + encouragement. Chicks are generally poor at leadership and usually need a guy to support and encourage them. I don't know why her and her husband married so early. Well I think I know why her husband married her early, she's hot, she's unusual in a way compatible with his bad social skills... and he probably didn't think, at the time, he could do any better. Still not sure he can... tough to say, until you're on the market. Markets are where statements are proven or falsified. If they'd had kids already, them being together would make sense. I suspect she's fundamentally a weak person, psychologically or personality-wise, because there are some things about her job and life goals that are not well supported by her husband. I'm being vague here but the specifics are too revealing. There's gotta be something to him I'm missing, or she's going to be one of those chicks who, after her divorce, can't quite remember why she married in the first place. I wouldn't be shocked if she ends up a spinster, but I think she'll pull out of the dive and have a family at some point. If she does divorce, I'd not be surprised if she goes on a slut rampage for a bit.

In the last year I've been pretty monogamous, having only slept with, I dunno, four chicks, or five, something like that, not many at all, most of them recurring revenue, and most of them well spaced out from each other (COVID risk... but I've been vaccinated... I bet STIs are going to skyrocket this summer, as people start f**king again). I also want to say... I made some substantial changes in the last year, and they've been good... even with them, I've probably talked to 100, maybe 150, chicks, to find this one who was in the right place, right time for the potential lays (of which there have been very few). Most of them were very brief and in social circumstances, often a bunch in one day, just a "hi, how are you, what's your name," that sort of thing... very low-level pings. I've done a bit of large-group social hosting, in part cause it's fun but also to try and keep some backup chicks in my orbit. I retweeted a Rob K. Henderson tweet, "Not only do people in committed relationships have backup mates; even people who seem quite happy with their relationships actively cultivate them...people without backup mates were twice as likely to get depressed compared to those with a solid backup." This is what almost all successful players I've known in real life (not on the Internet) have done... whenever they're in a relationship, sometimes a "relationship," they're also cultivating a backup roster with postions #2 - #10. Ten is a little extreme, you get the idea.

Often, they have something regular going on... it can be almost anything... a Friday night happy hour, a group hike, a dinner, a whatever, so that when they meet a new chick, it's easy to say, "Some friends and I are doing a thing, you should come." Way back in the mists of the time, when Mystery was doing his LA thing, he got hold of the "seven-hour rule," that it takes the average chick about seven hours of exposure to a guy to be ready to f**k him. It can be shorter than that, obviously, but it can also be longer, for some chicks... 4 - 10 hours is a good round number. Having a guy invite a chick into his loose social orbit will often let her spend those hours around him... so that when his primary chick departs, she's there ready to be f**ked. This is how many office affairs, teacher-student affairs, etc., start. The girl spends enough time around the guys to be comfortable enough with him to want to f**k him. She knows he's probably not a murderer, etc., because she works with him, she's been taught by him, whatever.

I'm not saying that's the only way to do it, and I'm not denigrating daygame... it has its place... but there are different ways to do it, and it seems like a lot of guys writing online lack basic social skills. That basic notion is behind "parties." Daygame and other elements of social life work together, too. I prefer real one on one dates... but sometimes you're with a woman, and you want to have a few more on deck, and other methods come to the foreground. I don't like getting caught in the open field without any cover around me. That's happened to me before... not often, though. Any guy in a relationship should be able to think, "What will I do if she walks out tomorrow?" and have a good game plan ready to go. Guys who think, "She is my entire world" "I'd fall apart without her" "happy wife, happy life..." I feel bad for them. What your sports coaches told you is true, proper preparation leads to victory.

A man who won't prepare is preparing to fail.

This is a pic Unsplash showed me when I searched for "affair"