How to start taking action part 3: "I'll start tomorrow...do more research..."

No amount of waiting or gathering information will prepare you for success if there's no follow through or commitment.

I offered to take my friend shopping for new clothes a few months back. I told him we’d bring my GF and her friend (both very attractive, and he’d love to get with the friend if she’d have him) along for female opinions, and totally revamp his wardrobe and style. He has a lot of money, so spending $500-1,000 shouldn’t be a crazy problem for him, and he’s extremely fit, so style/fashion was the natural next step in building up his traits that make men attractive to women. Of the four traits (fitness, style/fashion, lifestyle, game), fitness and style/fashion are the easiest levers to pull as long as you have a decent job: gym memberships are fairly affordable, clothes + tailoring are cheap, and both have basically zero activation cost, because you can choose to go to the gym or buy new clothes whenever. Lifestyle and game are trickier, requiring growth over time as well as interacting with others, but also easier if you look the part in terms of your fitness and fashion.¹

However, I was rebuffed: “I think I need to do more research first.” O…K? The crazy part is that my friend is in his early 40s—the time to act is NOW! A related excuse I’ve heard is I’ll start tomorrow. Surely, these excuses are rooted in some of the primary reasons people choose not to act, but they’re deceptive in the sense that they allow the owner to avoid accountability for not acting.

Because “I need to do more research” and/or “I’ll start tomorrow” are code for: I don’t actually care about this goal, or more likely, I’m afraid to change. Fear, as fans of Dune know, is truly the mind killer. The lack of desire to get better with women is at its root an inability to confront one’s fear of being a true, adult man.

In some ways the fear is understandable, because being an adult man means you accept the following:

1. I am in charge of my destiny and choices.

2. I cannot rely on using emotions, helplessness, or incompetence to gain value from others.

3. There is no hero who will save me—I must be my own hero.

4. When I’m with women or children, I am responsible for everything that happens, good, bad, beautiful, or ugly.

5. Most of the time, I will be responsible for taking action and making things happen—I happen to life, not the other way around.

Give up the idea there’s a father figure or some larger community who’s in charge: you’re in charge, essentially until very old age, when, if you have children, one of them may take over the decision making as it relates to what remains of your life.

All women want a man who is in charge—who can take care of and protect her. Thus, the bro who says, “I’ll start tomorrow” or “I need to do more research” has already admitted defeat, because those very statements indicate he’s not a fully mature adult man.

To return to the example of my friend, what does the delay mean? It’s a question everyone should ask themselves, both men or women. For women, the equivalent of I need to do more research or I’ll start tomorrow is: I’ve got plenty of time.

If she’s 23, sure—she’s got plenty of time. But if she’s 32, time is running out. For women there is a clock counting down the time to a point when she becomes irrelevant to men she finds attractive.

However, unlike men, women arrive at relevance through the mere fact of being—unless she overeats and/or lives an extremely unhealthy lifestyle, most young women have some degree of beauty. Men need to become relevant; we need to put weight on the scale. As a young man, of course, there’s a long window of time to take action, but every day you wait, every day you refuse to become a fully adult man, is a day you fall behind other men who are choosing to act and putting weight on the scale (or filling up their buckets, to go back to the last post in this series). And while “the wall” comes a lot earlier in life for women, men age out of sexual relevance too.

What my friend needs to do, along with every other bro out there who’s doing more research or waiting until tomorrow, as well as every woman who believes she’s got plenty of time, is to spell out the implications of their choices: if I don’t change, if I don’t act, it’s likely I will not have a partner, get married, or have kids—there’s a good chance I will be alone at the end of my life.

Now, if that’s what you want, fair enough, but no one who’s reading blogs about seduction or watching manosphere YouTube wants that—if they did, they’d get on with playing video games or whatever else it is they’re doing.

So like…you can “do more research” or “start tomorrow”, but for those guys stuck in that place, reframe those excuses for what they really mean: an inability to act. Doing more research or starting tomorrow is actually worse than not doing anything, because it’s not doing anything hiding under the veil of doing something eventually.

Start today. Start filling the bucket. You don’t need to be perfect, but get started. Do more research between sets at the gym. Start talking to girls today by just saying hello, or saying she you love her style, or asking for information. Get moving and it’s likely you’ll keep going.

1. Ex: if you’re jacked, wearing clothes that are stylish and fit well (drip, according to the youths), it’s a lot easier to be confident talking to girls i.e. game.