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[FR] Slept with a girl I first met eight years ago
About eight years ago I met a young-but-legal girl at a dance class. She went to school out of state but was in my city for the summer, doing a research program. Over the course of the dance class I ramped up the flirting with her and her friends, and while I never outright slept with her (not for lack of trying, and I felt, perhaps erroneously, like I was so close) we did some other things and she eventually went home. Not an interesting story, but last weekend she came to town for work. She'd broken up with her long-term boyfriend of like six or seven years and I invited her to stay with me.
She came over, I took her out to drink at two favorite bars (if you bring a lot of girls to the same bar or couple bars over and over again interesting things will happen to you...) and then back to my place for sex. No LMR and extremely high levels of connection. Apart from her being hot, she's nerdier than most girls, which I like because it's possible to have a real conversation with her. She's also one of these chicks who looks better, properly filled out, in her 20s, as opposed to when she was 18. In some sense there wasn't a lot of "game"... she was horny and available and stayed with me for sex. I’d spent years in loose touch with her, and that investment paid off. It doesn’t always, but it can. Next time she's in town I'm going to try bringing her to a sex club or party with me, although she's apprehensive about that and I'm not sure it's going to happen. She also told me something that I figured: when I first started seeing her she hadn't had sex before and found me scary, intimidating, and attractive at the same time. In retrospect I think I was acting too aloof around her and didn't offer enough comfort, or she was too inexperienced to get where we both wanted to go. You can tell a guy is getting somewhere in the game when “too little comfort” becomes a consistent problem for him.
I've hung out with her once a year or so and even met her now-ex boyfriend. I'm sure many of you would think this behavior is "beta" or "friendzoned," but I like her in general and the sexual tension was consistently high. I think that if she'd stayed longer when I first met her I would've been her first. At the time I was also pretty deep with someone else, and she knew about the other woman, so that may have dissuaded her. So it goes.
It's of course true that you shouldn't be "friends" with a woman who is in your orbit and who you want to f**k and who you stay "friends" with because you're slavering to f**k her, while you're not talking to new girls because you're spending time with her. But if you have good pipeline and are f**king other girls anyway and don't have oneitis, go ahead, play the long game, and as your game develops it becomes possible to have girls orbit you rather than you orbiting them. The difference is important and as you gain experience you'll recognize the difference. As I get older more women from the past swing around for a f**k, or another f**k. Sometimes age has made me say no but sometimes it's still very good and low-effort lay.
It's possible to play the long game, although more often women I don't sleep with immediately go away, or I stop replying to their messages... remember that doing things is man frame, while texting is woman frame. But sometimes old leads come back and the pleasure of this one is intense. In the last decade her body and mind have developed enormously. The sex was excellent and in that time she's had one primary boyfriend and, in the last couple months, a lover. I'm not used to teaching girls her age about f**king, but this one hasn't had a wide enough range of partners to have really tested all the ways she likes f**king... for example, she responded incredibly well to a buttplug. Having a lot of toys around is as useful as having any other tool around, like those special screwdrivers Apple requires to open their laptops.
There are many stories around about guys doing same-day lays or first date lays. Those are great and I've done them. But, contrary to what you may read online, many girls won't sleep with a guy till she knows him pretty well. Problem is that you can't tell who those are or those will be in advance. Often, however, those girls will respect you for trying to f**k them, if you're persistent yet polite when she says no.
Sometimes very demure-seeming girls turn out to be ragingly sexual and sometimes forward-seeming girls turn out to be attention whores who don't have much sex. When I read guys who talk online about their endless same-day lays (SDLs), I get skeptical. Some of the things I read, and you read, seem really unlikely, which may be the subject of a future discussions.
When I first met this girl, I'd known her about eight weeks before I even got her properly undressed. Usually I wouldn't wait that long and most of the time women who won't accelerate quickly are tooling you, yet the sexual tension was always beautifully present between us. If you can maintain decent sexual tension over time good things may happen.
There are probably 100 women with whom I have some kind of distant and potentially sexual connection. Guys are overall better off seeking new women than returning to ones we've already tried for, but if you cultivate your pool you'll eventually find a lot of easy lays that drop on top of you. Plus this girl is cool in general.
Consider this a companion to "Snapchat in Game." If you have good masculine fundamentals and basic game, you can leverage that basic game into a lot of good solid lays later on. You can't fake masculine fundamentals and if you have them, many other things become much easier / simpler. Many issues that are about "game" or girls "playing games" or about a guy being disrespected are actually issues of the guy not have good masculine fundamentals. Androgynous-seeming guys often get walked over or sexually ignored. Masculine guys rarely have those problems.
I'm also less driven by sex than I used to be, so going longer without doesn't bother me like it did when I was younger. Maybe, at some point I'm going to take a break, maybe a long break, from the chase. The chase is beautiful but I'm now thinking less about the chase and more about the catch. Red Quest may be my ode to the chase.
First published in 2017.