Read my most recent post. I doesn't seem related, but you'll get it.
Having your shit together takes work and managing it all takes time and effort. It is difficult to balance and things will give (especially if you have kids).
Most of us aren't David Goggins, we work in cycles. It happens.
Offtopic, but related to nonmonogamy: I was doing "solo poly" before with my ex-main partner, many years ago. That partner, the girl, was actually more courageous than I am regarding non-mono in context of "more than two" in a bedroom, as she is more able to compartmentalize sex and relationship, probably more able than an average man. My own attitude is a mixture of being majorly demisexual and thus treating sex intimately, and recently some insecurity as my life has been I'd say worse off in game contexts than it used to be.
My current GF and I are effectively monogamous, but I did have a couple single-time events solo and participated in a private party couple times. I say effectively, coz we hold no promises - she knows me from the period with my prev partner , which is why she is more committed to me sexually than I am to her. But I wasn't exercising that freedom lately due to general insecurity.
We've been invited by another couple (members of family with whom I attended to a party couple times) for a 2-on-2 meeting, but honestly the most I'd be comfortable doing with them would be to have sex with our own partners in front of each other. Is that worth going through? My prev partner due to her courage was a lot more encouraging for those kind of more-than-two encounters, and she supported my solo interests, but my current partner is more of an insecure , feely-touchy bubbly person like I am myself. I experience this as a much different situation in that I knew my ex was attracted to me spiritually as well and sort of outside of whom we have sex with and she also knew how to work around my jealously (which she had otherworldly very little of herself) and not trigger me. My current girl is much more alike me in terms of "cons" that make nonmono harder. She's also open and curious but she could choose a mono life any day without hesitation, I could not - I know what happens when I come out of darker periods in my life.
The other couple is married, with kids, and very experienced in non-mono. I think i'm going to go through with it because my curiosity tends to overthrow any fears I have about hurting myself or my girl. I don't think they'd be disappointed if we only fucked in front of each other. I've never watched a girl I was more invested in getting fucked by another man. I was comfortable and happy (and would be again if it were an option) being committed/etc mono, and having side, less committed but still friendly, fun and suppportive relationship(s) outside, not mixing them. Right now I think my depression is still making me too vulnerable for other kind of exploration, which is shown in how both of us are nervous about the meet up in a couple of weeks
Probably shouldn't be using this medium for advice request (I know and agree with your stance on public advice req), but still here I am
I should clarify that I don't know you, I don't know your life goals, I don't know your top priorities, etc. The strategies I've pursued and described are high variance but high variance is not for everyone.
If your top priority is a highly stable household and family life what I do might not be for you.
There is so much more that I don't know than know that it's impossible for me to really say... you also probably won't know unless/until you try... not knowing might be better for you.
I know how it is with Internet missing a lot of context. I am still discovering myself, and step by step, slowly assuring myself that I crave the peak experiences. I have a lot of ground work to do. Your blog and persona have been inspiring and thought provoking me for years. Thank you. I hope to be among people that take over the baton from you, or rather take over the pen and the keyboard.
>> Right now I think my depression is still making me too vulnerable for other kind of exploration, which is shown in how both of us are nervous about the meet up in a couple of weeks
You can also say to them, "We're interested in having sex in the same room but not with outright swapping." See how that goes.
Hope you're lifting weights and eating right, cause both can help with depression or "depression."
Read my most recent post. I doesn't seem related, but you'll get it.
Having your shit together takes work and managing it all takes time and effort. It is difficult to balance and things will give (especially if you have kids).
Most of us aren't David Goggins, we work in cycles. It happens.
Offtopic, but related to nonmonogamy: I was doing "solo poly" before with my ex-main partner, many years ago. That partner, the girl, was actually more courageous than I am regarding non-mono in context of "more than two" in a bedroom, as she is more able to compartmentalize sex and relationship, probably more able than an average man. My own attitude is a mixture of being majorly demisexual and thus treating sex intimately, and recently some insecurity as my life has been I'd say worse off in game contexts than it used to be.
My current GF and I are effectively monogamous, but I did have a couple single-time events solo and participated in a private party couple times. I say effectively, coz we hold no promises - she knows me from the period with my prev partner , which is why she is more committed to me sexually than I am to her. But I wasn't exercising that freedom lately due to general insecurity.
We've been invited by another couple (members of family with whom I attended to a party couple times) for a 2-on-2 meeting, but honestly the most I'd be comfortable doing with them would be to have sex with our own partners in front of each other. Is that worth going through? My prev partner due to her courage was a lot more encouraging for those kind of more-than-two encounters, and she supported my solo interests, but my current partner is more of an insecure , feely-touchy bubbly person like I am myself. I experience this as a much different situation in that I knew my ex was attracted to me spiritually as well and sort of outside of whom we have sex with and she also knew how to work around my jealously (which she had otherworldly very little of herself) and not trigger me. My current girl is much more alike me in terms of "cons" that make nonmono harder. She's also open and curious but she could choose a mono life any day without hesitation, I could not - I know what happens when I come out of darker periods in my life.
The other couple is married, with kids, and very experienced in non-mono. I think i'm going to go through with it because my curiosity tends to overthrow any fears I have about hurting myself or my girl. I don't think they'd be disappointed if we only fucked in front of each other. I've never watched a girl I was more invested in getting fucked by another man. I was comfortable and happy (and would be again if it were an option) being committed/etc mono, and having side, less committed but still friendly, fun and suppportive relationship(s) outside, not mixing them. Right now I think my depression is still making me too vulnerable for other kind of exploration, which is shown in how both of us are nervous about the meet up in a couple of weeks
Probably shouldn't be using this medium for advice request (I know and agree with your stance on public advice req), but still here I am
I should clarify that I don't know you, I don't know your life goals, I don't know your top priorities, etc. The strategies I've pursued and described are high variance but high variance is not for everyone.
If your top priority is a highly stable household and family life what I do might not be for you.
If your top priority is peak experiences, excitement, etc., then it might be for you, https://theredquest.substack.com/p/how-i-use-conversations-about-her-peak-experiences-in-dates-and-in-pitching-non-monogamy
There is so much more that I don't know than know that it's impossible for me to really say... you also probably won't know unless/until you try... not knowing might be better for you.
I know how it is with Internet missing a lot of context. I am still discovering myself, and step by step, slowly assuring myself that I crave the peak experiences. I have a lot of ground work to do. Your blog and persona have been inspiring and thought provoking me for years. Thank you. I hope to be among people that take over the baton from you, or rather take over the pen and the keyboard.
Start a substack
>> Is that worth going through?
Dunno. Try it and report back.
>> Right now I think my depression is still making me too vulnerable for other kind of exploration, which is shown in how both of us are nervous about the meet up in a couple of weeks
You can also say to them, "We're interested in having sex in the same room but not with outright swapping." See how that goes.
Hope you're lifting weights and eating right, cause both can help with depression or "depression."