Frame. And why non-monogamy helps make me more diligent about diet and body

Sugar is evil and guys need to lift: points not worth belaboring. Every guy who gets into the seduction arts learns about why lifting and style are important, and if you don't know why by now I hope you found this via a Google search because I don't know what to tell you.

Non-monogamy has made me more diligent than the average game guy about diet, swimming, lifting, and yoga.

Like virtually all people who consciously work to quit sugar, at first the discipline is hard, but over time habits set in and I stopped missing sugar. I learned to taste real food and got in the Sunday meal-prep practice to ensure that I wasn't as tempted by easy, quick and horrific foods during the work week.

As guys who get deeply into the seduction arts know, the initial parts of game are about attraction and dominance, but most chicks tell themselves that they can tame the bad boy and turn him into a long-term provider-guy (that is the ur-plot of romance novels and romance novels are porn for women: citation one and citation two). Even among players who imply or even explicitly say that they're only in it for the casual sex, lots of women will fantasize about locking those guys down long-term, or the women will attempt it… especially if the guy has an okay job.

Normal women want children and normal women want to be financially subsidized by a guy. If the guy is also hot and good in bed, that's a plus. This conflict between short-term hots and long-term provision is fundamental and explained by evolutionary biology.

Among most normal women being picked up on the street, there’s some element of "could this guy be my long-term provider?" Initially it may be and probably will be all about the seduction and the hot sex, and most guys underperform in being hot, dominant, and playful because society teaches them to do the opposite.

Over time women have a biological need to find guys to have kids with and subsidize them and their kids. Long-term, undefined, FWBs-type relationships are uncommon. Few chicks will allow them, at least past the age of 25. Even if they do, they’ll drop the FWB when they find a hot-enough provider guy.

(If you're dating a chick under the age of 25 in a contemporary Western country, you can ignore the last two paragraphs, because chicks that age are all about the feelz and the hot sex.)

At sex parties, the “provider” part of the equation goes away almost entirely, at least for a night of passion. It’s more raw and carnal even than street pickups. The chick probably already has a primary partner who she evaluates in part for his material characteristics. The new guy needs to primarily be a hot sex guy. She's evaluating the guy much more along the physical lines.

I'm so hardcore about the sugar thing and so hardcore about lifting weights, swimming, and lately yoga because, if you're going to do sex clubs and non-monogamy, the need for good looks and strong sexual skills go up, because chicks aren't much evaluating you, even subconsciously, as a long-term provider guy.

In the sex clubs, it's also common to strip, pretty quickly, to underwear. She will see you fucking your main girl, too, so she will be able to evaluate your body and sex quality in a very tangible, immediate way. Hot guys with good sex skills get more & better swap choices.

Pickup and online dating is conducted primarily clothed. She can obviously tell some things about your body, but by the time she sees you nude she will probably already have crossed the sex rubicon or gotten close to it. She can also likely tell herself a story about how she can turn you into a provider long term, at least if she really likes you.

Or she's just drunk and horny and doesn't care.

For all humans, attraction starts with the body. Just like it does online. Online, women mostly judge your pictures, and I'm not even going to link to my piece about why guys doing online dating need to learn basic photography.

Improve your body and you will do better. It is possible for attractive guys in particular to have no game and fail, but it's much less likely.

FRAME

Bringing women into sex clubs and parties brings them deeply into a frame outside the mainstream. Those girls will over time lose their mainstream frame and gain a "sex-positive" frame… you can frame the frame more negatively, if you want. Some will enter that frame temporarily, then go back to conventional frames; that's what happened to the woman I write about in "Women want to follow your lead: a story about a woman presenting two ways."

I'm rambling, as I tend to do, but point is that many women can be led into the sex club frame, though, as they begin to think long term, they will also fall out of that frame. The diet and lifting help a lot with the initial attraction and dominance parts of the seduction, but for women they're less important for long-term compatibility. Most people, given enough time, almost stop noticing each other's physical attractiveness, which is part of the reason long-term relationships are so hard.

If a chick is ready for something I won’t deliver, often it's better if I break up with her or even seed the idea that she should find a father/husband guy who isn't going to be me. Being honest in this way means that the chick is less likely to do an angry, scorched-earth breakup because she thinks she's been lied to. I don't talk about long-term life goals on second dates but somewhere in there I give chicks my theory of relationships and that helps them decide what to do with or about me.

Many girls will leave to pursue a long-term relationship guy. Sometimes the things with that guy works out. Sometimes they don't. When they don't, they will often swing back around to me. Fine with me. I often wish girls good luck when they go.

The smartest, most conscientious women know and understand the gap between fun sex guys and long-term guys. They know the two don't always overlap. They choose the long-term play.