You really want the thing, or the image of the thing?
You really want the thing, or the image of the thing?
Do you want to pose, or to act?
On Twitter, this fella “Visakan” says, “people wanna be fuckable more than they wanna fuck.” Maybe it’s a troll, maybe it’s a provocation, but there’s something to it, for some people, sometimes. Maybe the best response is, “ghosting, talking about icks and red flags, auto-swiping with no filter, overscheduling dates, talking about gender gaps and grooming, slut shaming, oversignaling your jealousy - these don't help you as much as they make dating hard, cringe, and scary for others.”
The boring, prosaic thing is that people who want to fuck, fuck, and people who want to be fuckable more than they want to fuck pursue that goal, which seems not optimal to me but I have dated both women who like to fuck and women who like to be fuckable and I know which is more fun & better. The phenomenon is probably more acute in super status-conscious places like nyc or probably l.a.
The phenomenon is also more common to chicks than to guys, but guys are the ones more likely to be scared when they catch the actual tuna and try to reel it on the boat. I was scared that way at times, when I was young and stupid, and before I’d properly tasted the tuna flesh and realized that it’s worth the struggle... back then, I didn’t know the ike-jime and shinkei-jime, but now I do. I think attractive younger chicks also realize (accurately) that if they say no to some guy today, another one, or ten, will be along tomorrow.
The problem, however, is that around 30 that starts to be less true, or the quality of the guy lining up goes down. Thirty is the fulcrum for so many changes in sex & dating. The meme that women in their 30s are hornier may partially be them realizing that nothing lasts forever and you gotta do it now if you want to do it.
“Being fuckable” might be another way of saying you have options. People who are smart and don’t care about being fuckable are too busy doing real things like advancing science or writing code or skiing in Utah to get too obsessed with the typical status games. I guess the real question for all of us, “Do I want to play status games or do something real?” With groups of humans there’s probably no way to 100% opt out of status games, but we all know what it is to minimize the status games and what it is to maximize them. If she spends a lot of time on Instagram, she’s a status-game person: beware.
Most of the girls in bikinis who show up on your feed, or dancing on Tik-Tok, are f**king. F**king… someone. There’s something wrong and inhuman with people who’d rather be fuckable than f**k. To be fuckable and not fuck would be like having a great wine collection and never opening a bottle, or a beautiful speed boat that never leaves the side yard. Suspect anyone who prefers the phony aesthetics of living a great life over living life. There’s a name for people who pose, poseurs. Be an operator, not a poseur. Have agency in life.
In writing this I was trying to think of chicks I’ve known well, or anyone, who likes being fuckable more than fucking, and no stories came to mind. I’m not typically interested in women who want to be fuckable. Why would I be? They’re boring. More than most women they are in it for attention. I think social media is r^tarded, and the people who want to be fuckable more than fuck seem like social-media creatures. So I’m trying to come up with examples from my life and coming up empty, which is probably a good sign.
I like sex parties for lots of reasons, one is that the people there are overwhelmingly there to fuck, not to be admired. Conventional night clubs suck for lots of reasons, among them being that the guys are there to try to fuck and the ladies are there to absorb male attention and feel good about saying no. I’m not the kind of guy who wants to spend time around chicks who feel good about saying no. Chicks with reasonable, enforced boundaries, sure. Healthy chicks figure out their boundaries... sometimes they like violating the boundaries... but they exist. The ones who like the power of “no” too much, they aren’t the best, usually.
“Be real” is good life advice, too vague, yeah, but we know it when we see it. Are you real?
Some great food for thought here..!
Separately, you have written about the many girls who are family-oriented and who don't easily get into any sort of relationship. They prefer to take their time, to focus on accumulating useful skills - and to look for a high quality guy with long term potential. These girls are not looking to f...k, but it would still seem logical for them to doll themselves up as best they can and put themselves out there in front of eligible bachelors. All in the hope of sooner or later attracting and "catching" that one special guy... while everyone else will be filtered out (hopefully in a graceful manner).
It can make sense for such girls to use social media, dating apps, networks of friends, events and classes and whatever other tools may be available in order to maximize the "surface area" of contact with potential suitors.
Probably no female would express it in precise terms like this, nor follow such a strategy diligently. Few people overall are able to optimize their behaviours according to their aims, but... I'd still expect to see this pattern quite a bit.