Priorities and what you bring to life (Katie's story)

Women who prioritize families and long-term relationships, and who have reasonable expectations of the men they date, get married and have families and do their best to stay married. Those women are out there, and they probably represent most women most of the time, but they're not much discussed among the red pill / seduction / masculinity communities because they're mostly invisible to us... Red Pill Dad and I have a conversation in his comments section about these issues, and I'm reminded of "Katie," a woman I knew years ago, when I was in my early to mid 20s (she was, and still likely is, a year or two older than me). Probably a low 8 then... slender with no rack, so maybe she was a high 7 with a pretty face and pretty blonde hair, and during our friendship / interactions / flirtationship, she said she hadn't had sex until she was in college and had had sex with 3 - 4 men by the time I met her, all in a relationship context.

Katie was in a long-distance relationship, and I kept angling to get her into position to make my move, and she kept angling me away, while keeping me in her friend orbit (we had some mutual things in common that kept us around each other). Good sexual tension between us. Eventually I did my move and she said no: hard, firm, and kind, although her long-distance relationship died of natural causes sometime after that. Tried again and she said no. Why? One, she was a year or two older than me (she didn't cite that though it makes sense), but, most importantly, she knew I wanted to be a player, not her boyfriend and eventual husband.

A part of Katie liked me and the sexual tension, but her conscious forebrain knew what I was about and that I wasn't going to wife her up. Katie came from a rich family and I think had excessive income expectations. We had good physical chemistry and made each other laugh... she was bright, too, and had a bubbly personality, and when a guy is potentially offered quality champagne it is hard to turn it down for whoever's next, which might be watery beer or rancid kombucha. I bet Katie was/is good in bed. She had strong sexual presence yet I don't think she was going to unleash her sexuality outside of a relationship. I telegraphed "player" and also had uncertain earning potential and she knew both, yet chemistry between us was not going to get in the way of her larger goals.

Katie married the next guy she dated, or the one after him. She's not on social media very much and never has been... to the extent she is, she's depicted with her husband and family. No or little politics, no or little posturing. At that distant time when I knew her, I wasn't properly strict on the "no friend zone" thing, so we kept in touch longer than we should have... I say "longer than we should have" because our professional life goals diverged, and our personal life goals were never aligned (I wanted to f**k a lot of girls and she wanted a secure family, that being the opposite of her family growing up). We had personalities that meshed in some ways but we didn't have enough in common to sustain our connection, and I wanted to spend time f**king girls, not hanging out with a pretty girl I wasn't going to f**k. She tried to hook me up with her unattractive friends... as usual, her attractive friends had boyfriends already. One was insultingly overweight, so maybe my estimation of her estimation of me is lower than I’ve been portraying.

Today, Katie is has been married quite a while and has three kids... and looks amazingly good for having had three kids. Could have had a little work done on her face. A lot of stunningly curvy women droop early, while some of the slender women who are less hot as 22 year olds grow into themselves. I've slept with women who are less attractive than she is, after she's had three kids (you probably have too).

We never know what will happen, Katie's story goes on, maybe Katie will have a change of heart and dump her husband to go do the f**king around she didn't do early, but I doubt it. Maybe her husband will turn her in for a younger model... life's unpredictable and I don't know her anymore and haven't truly known her for a long time. It's possible she'll experience the deep satisfactions of seeing her family grow. It's further possible she doesn't have the much-discussed hypergamous disposition. If a player stopped her on the street or flirted with her in a bar, she'd probably laugh at him, or indulge him for a few minutes then say, "No thank you." Players wouldn't get far enough with her to make her memorable.

Stories about chicks who f**k a bunch of dudes stand out in the mind, like stories about terrorism. Terrorism generates publicity because of the way the human mind works, even though you're statistically more likely to die from excess sugar consumption, opioids, or cars. Stories about women cheating with 10 random dudes are more interesting than stories about women who thought about it but didn't. The guys whose marriages go through a rough patch and then recover have much less need of red pill and seduction than those guys whose marriages dissolve. The guys who grow up with a good family and robust social skills have much less need than guys who don't. Etc. "Selection bias" is real. I bet Katie's husband doesn't spend a lot of time online and doesn't spend it in these Internet precincts. Why would he? What would he gain by listening to a bunch of guys, most of them on the loser side of things, whine and kvetch?

In red pill / seduction / masculinity communities, you're disproportionately surrounded by guys who picked the wrong woman, probably without realizing what they were doing, and without the context to understand that you can't make a hoe a housewife. You're surrounded by guys who were cheated on, divorced, etc. Guys who grew up with single mothers, or with fathers who were weak. Guys with deficient social skills. That's reflected in the worldview being generated by these guys. The male equivalent of the women whose sexual market value (SMV) mismatch problems have made them bitter towards men.

If your father ever taught you much about women, perhaps he told you a similar story…

More likely, however, he didn’t. Mine didn’t.

And if I had to guess, there are a lot of guys out there like me who had perfectly good fathers (in every other respect) who never really taught us about women in the way they taught us about the sea, hunting, fishing, cars, sports, etc.

The guys who are in (basically) happy marriages don't have much to say because they're not out hitting the streets chasing strange puss, and they're not looking for deeper answers after seeing half their incomes diverted to their former spouses, and their former spouses's new boyfriend. The guys who are true players probably have good social skills and gym routines and would find much of the anger and hostility online to be strange and off putting (as I suspect a lot of the red pill / seduction guys are in real life).

I have met women who realize I want to be player but give in to their desires, and then find themselves frustrated when I am not interested in helping them pursue their reproductive life plans. Smart women mostly don't make these mistakes, or, if they do, they have their month of fun and then jettison the fun sex guy in order to pursue the monogamy provider guy.

Most essentially, women who want monogamy find it. They don't live in New York City, or in the big expensive party cities. They play no games, or fewer games than women who are addicted to interpersonal drama. If those women recognize a guy who does the things they want... a provider, a good earner, loyal, willing to commit... they will latch onto him and work to keep him. As they should. They will suss out who he is. Does he want to have a family sooner, or later? Does he have a good relationship with his own parents and family? Etc. They talk about their own desires to get married and have a family, since those desires can scare off players. They will bring other skills to the relationship than sex.

For a contrast, look instead at the 30-something female journalists, usually fat, who write about how there are no good men out there. Those women prioritized their careers over their families and chose to f**k fun-loving bad boys who didn't want to commit. Then, as their SMV declines with age, they want to get out of the market, only to find out that their SMV is declining, and that they've practiced few of the skills that make long-term relationships work. They have lived lives that are largely the opposite of Katie's, and they lack the self-awareness to understand what they've done or take responsibility for it. They have a lot to write about because they have to write something new every day or every week, and their failure to recognize how male-female sexuality works means that they can't find the obvious principles underlying their decisions.

Let's look at one description of modern women, "many, if not most women have become self-publishing soft core pornographers, posing with their asses in the air or wearing scantily clad bikinis or semi nude in their bedrooms making duck lips–those bored ass eyes, sexy and yet soulless." I doubt this has ever described Katie or women like her.

Plus...

women have a burden too–unfortunately (or maybe fortunately for those of us who are players), it’s become extremely reductive in modern society: be attractive (enough) and give sex. That’s basically it, and as many players have noted, this seems to be the only thing most women today are capable of providing. Maybe why I get so excited when I come home after a girl spends the night to find my bed made or my apartment tidied up.

I think Katie brought a lot more to her relationship than f**king, and I bet she selected a man who brought a lot more to the relationship than just money, or just decent sex. In this way she is like Anna, another girl who fits the "not very sexually adventurous" mold, although Katie is prettier than Anna and better than Anna overall. I've met plenty of women who bring little to the relationship apart from sex and I mentally tag them accordingly.

I was reading a profile of Sex and the City star Sarah Jessica Parker and found this relevant,

Carrie and the other women of “S.A.T.C.”—the Waspy art gallerina Charlotte York (Kristin Davis), the pragmatic lawyer Miranda Hobbes (Nixon), and the uninhibited publicist Samantha Jones (Kim Cattrall)—chain-smoked, caroused, got bikini waxes, and dished around the brunch table about “tuchus lingus,” the taste of semen, and errant flatulence. Parker told me that such things were “completely unfamiliar” to her. “That just was not how I conducted conversations,” she said. (She did, for a time, smoke cigarettes.) She’d never done nudity professionally, and she told Star that she didn’t intend to. Even now, she sounds somewhat confounded by Carrie’s life style. “I could never do any of that stuff in my life,” she said. “It would be immoral. It would be unprincipled. An affair, husbands, kissing, buying, drinking—whims, whims, whims!”

And Sarah Jessica Parker is a Hollywood actress. Maybe she is lying but probably if she were conducting herself like these people, it’d have been in the tabloids by now. There are more women like her out there than you realize, but they’re not visible to guys who are trying to be players… or guys who are losers. The Katies and Sarah Jessica Parkers of the world are focused on their families, their husbands, and their careers. If you’re dating a lot of women and generalizing about women from the ones who are open to playing the game, your generalizations are leaving out a lot of women.

They are the women who want to know why guys just want easy sex from them... and they are the kind of women who don't want an honest answer to that question. A guy who has problems with the entire opposite sex usually has true problems within himself, and the same's true of women. As guys interested in seduction we learn to improve ourselves. A lot of women don't have those same self-improvement voices in their ears.