Peacocking, fashion, and a guy who tragically friend-zones himself

Xbtusd is back with more tales from the game.

My buddy is a successful Asian guy, in his 30s, and he winds up at a party with a bunch of Gen Z types, college and just post-college, who are there presumably doing what people try to do: hook up. My buddy's wearing some very distinctive, polarizing things that also help conversation flow: he's peacocking, in other words. His outfit helps him open a bunch of chicks, and some chicks even open him. Peacocking is an interesting strategy… I think peacocking needs to come off as both playful and masculine. The gap between "playful" and "goofy" can be narrow, but even goofy can work if the guy can transition to masculine dominance and identity. (Red Quest hasn't done a lot of peacocking, he says). I’d guess that guys who peacock hard, like Mystery did, also need strong killer instinct and sexual vibe, otherwise they get friendzoned like I believe my buddy did. But he really friendzoned himself, by not acting on the girls expressing interest.

I’m going to bring race into the discussion, but also acknowledge that race serves as a proxy for a lot of things. I don’t want the discussion to get hung up on race in particular. Asian men are desexualized in American culture, black men are hypersexualized. Be aware of how you present. If you’re short, you might have to make up for that by being a little more masculine in other ways. If you’re Asian, you’re going to want to stay away from things that reinforce the stereotypes women already have about Asian men. Thus, when peacocking, you want to make sure you stay far from goofy, and do things that attract attention but in a masculine way. Maybe more in the vein of BDSM style gear. Race is just one factor for how women perceive you before you open your mouth, but it’s an important one.

According to my buddy, one hot girl was particularly interested, but he never tried to bang her, let alone kiss her. Wait, what—why? I ask him. He doesn’t entirely know. Is he afraid of the girl saying no? When I was young and dumb(er), I was afraid of “no.” He may be in effect friendzoning himself, if he doesn’t make the move. From my gf’s report, my buddy and the hot girl's energy quickly grew into friend energy. The two of them became part of the project to facilitate my gf hooking up with a guy at the party she thought was hot. Having a shared project can be a fantastic narrative to allow you to bond with a woman, but you have to make sure the context of the shared project isn’t "friends," but romantic partners who are building sexual chemistry. Escalation is key, in particular touch. Timing is critical, because the window can close quickly. Chicks are capricious, so when her buying temp is high, act.

Was he afraid to kiss her? I think he would say no, he’s not afraid of “no.” I think he is afraid of no.

He said that he'd prefer not to “make friends” who might introduce him to other women in the future, to avoid overt rejection. Next time I'm out with him, I'm going to push him… and probably push myself. Because I think he's telling himself the story that guys who are afraid of "no" tell themselves: "Experienced guys view 'no' (or ghosting) as a gift, of our time and attention back to us, so we can use it on girls who are still possible lays." Girls give few gifts, apart from their pu**ies, so accept the few fruits they do bear. Once I was a boy, and feared "no." Now I am a man and love "no," because it means I can spend my limited resources elsewhere (except when I get caught up in the same rationalizing our brains love to do when we are afraid).

My buddy thinks he's seeding future lays by being “friends” with the girl, while I think he needs to be more forward, more sexual, with girls, particularly to work against the stereotype. Black men are hypersexualized and often need to be half a step less sexual, while still conveying intent. Asian men are often undersexualized, so they need to be at least half a step more direct. The man who commands attention at the party is King, but mistaking Court Jester for King can be lethal for sexual prospects.

So my buddy goes home and jerks off. I'm assuming that last bit, if he's been around a bunch of sexy bi*ches he's not f**ked. I’ll admit, it’s easier to play the role of Monday morning quarterback, criticizing a man who was at least out on the field.

What do you think about the role of race in game? Have you ever successfully peacocked? Is all attention good attention?