Make her happy by disappointing her through setting boundaries

Children, dogs, and women need limits

A novice seduction artist, Nightroller, has a classic problem, 

This girl… texts way too much... I don’t know how to tell her so in a nice way though at the moment, looking for ideas. 

We already had a long, multi-hour breaking-things-off-because-of-my-current-life-situation thing.

I want to let her know I’m open to being a mentor and advice-giver, but I’m not a daily emotional towel or text buddy and if she wants that she should go to someone else. 

This girl is looking for boundaries. Like many people, she doesn’t realize what she needs… but I realize what she needs. If a girl over-texts, don’t say anything… don’t reply until you’re ready. You're a man who is doing things, right? That means you don't have time for constant text distractions through the day. Actions > words. Your action is to not respond to her, except when you’re ready to see her. If you feel you must, say, “busy right now, I’ll get back to you when I can.” 

Don’t make that kind of text a game… it should be the truth. A man should be out doing and creating value for himself and others, not pandering to a bored girl who’s addicted to her phone and needs constant entertainment or validation.

When you see her in person, talk about the projects you’re working on (you’re improving a skill, working on a project, etc., right? Right? If you’re not, why not?). Have a copy of the Cal Newport book DEEP WORK sitting around. Suggest she read it. If she won't, she's likely not a long-term prospect, though you’ll have to judge based on her other qualities, too. No one is perfect and it’s necessary to judge people holistically. I personally put a lot of value on women who read and women who understand the growth mindset.   

A lot of girls are useless and your job is to try and improve them a bit if possible. If she fights the "working during the day" boundary, tell her you should talk in person. Talking in person > text. Mastering how you use your time is essential to having a fulfilled life and meaningful career.   

Some women over-invest too early. They get too excited, and if they like the guy too much, they want more and more of him. The problem, however, is: what happens when they get too much of the guy? Their attraction fades. What happens if you let a child eat their favorite food daily? The favorite food stops being a favorite (and usually causes other problems, like high blood sugar, obesity, etc.). A man who lets a woman interfere with his growth, work, and projects is letting the woman destroy some of the things that attracted her to him in the first place. Paradoxically, for her to enjoy him the most, he has to set boundaries and limits on their interactions. To get what she wants, she can't get what she wants. 

Getting everything you want instantly, without much effort, is boring. People play video games because the better games deliver challenges at the edge of the player's skill level, which makes some people like them more than real life. Real life isn't so smooth. In real life, it takes more effort to find that edge-of-skill space. School is fun to the extent you can find this space... if school is too slow, it's boring. If it's too fast, it's frustrating. A lot of people never learn to manage this edge. A lot of the most effective, knowledgeable people learn to find this edge and stay on it throughout their lives. Those effective people seek mentors or teachers who can help keep them on that knowledge edge. Game coaches help guys stay on that edge. (I’m out of the game but simultaneously still learning.)

Nightroller is learning the game. He’s hired coaches. If you read his blog, you’ll see his growth over time. I expect him to continue to grow, and at least one of his coaches feels the same, because Nightroller does the work. He makes deliberate changes. He learns from his experience, whether mistakes or success. This sets him apart from most guys who want to learn game. He’s doing stuff and having real life experiences. Twitter and YouTube addicts take note. 

For women, a guy who instantly gives them everything they want is probably weak… and, even if he’s not, she’ll eventually smother him and extinguish her attraction as she does so. You can't give a woman who has any self-respect nothing, and relationships thrive on time spent together... but give her everything, all at once, and she'll doubt the man's quality. (You have read similar reasoning in my classic post, "The holidays are coming up: shit tests, comfort tests, and gifts [intermediate and above]"). 

Mature women understand that a man has other purposes and goals in his life than women, and they'll instinctively grasp the psychological mechanisms laid out above. Immature women often don't understand that top men get to be top men by continually growing. In a world where most people stagnate, continual growth is rare. If you want to keep a mature / aware woman around you should spend time with her... but it should be on your terms. "Come over at 7:00 p.m. and we'll make dinner" is a normal weeknight thing. Make dinner, f**k her, read a book. If you have things to do on a Saturday, tell her: "I need to work on [x] today, but let's get together at 4:00 to go climbing." If she thinks that the man's job is to entertain her 24/7, that's a bad sign. The library is there to entertain her 24/7, not a man. 

Distractions like texts and social media kill the deep work mindset necessary for true growth. If you're a man, you need to keep growing with a woman in your life… or without one. You should be willing to help women on the path to maturity and growth. Particularly when women are youngest and hottest, they may not need much maturity to capture the attention of (many) men... but they will need maturity to keep the attention of the top men.