Girls with high numbers

As usual, Nash arrives with a lot of perceptive comments, in response to this post, and I have so much to say in return that I'm just going to foreground it all here. If you don't read that link first, most of what follows will not make sense to you.

> I would assume you don’t buy the “girls lose the ability to bond when they have X number of sex partners” argument.

Actually, I think that's true for the average girl, who just gets f**ked up by too many partners. But, there are some girls who have hindbrain/forebrain agreement and can seem to do it. And enjoy it.

The bigger problem for high-number girls is that most guys, even sex-positive man-slut guys like me, don't want to bond with the most promiscuous girls. "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", that kind of thing. And it's often tough for girls who are into sleeping around to put their partners first. Tough, but not impossible. Relationships between people who don't put each other first tend to die.

So is it true on average? Yeah. But it's probably less true in the sex-positive community, where a structure for non-monogamy exists. A woman who is cast out of her community and friend group for sleeping around is going to have many more problems than a woman whose community, friend group, and social structure facilitates her having sex with a lot of people, if she wants it.

Ms. Slav seems very uninterested in the concept of "quality men." This is part of what bothers me: she lets too much of her value go. Men build their value, women protect their (pre-existing) value. Ms. Slav is not quite good enough at that, for my taste. This goes back to the idea of sex-positive, sexually experienced girls finding it hard to get primary partners, and true intimacy. Even within the open-relationship and sex-club scene, there are some rules and principles. If a girl is not going to put a primary man first, she is not likely to find and keep one.

Even I am focused on value and reciprocity. Even girls in the scene find casual sex easier than longer-term bonding.

Nash also wonders if Ms. Slav is "damaged goods," or if she will become that way. I can't tell. Not yet. I think most chicks who are “damaged goods” cannot accept their past or reconcile their sexual proclivities with their higher-order thinking. Ms. Slav seems to have aligned forebrain/hindbrain. For that reason, I don’t think she’ll turn out as “damaged goods.” No guarantees, obviously, and I don't know her well enough to say yet. It takes months or years to really know another person, and the process can't really be rushed.

A girl who is sex positive and likes to have a lot of sex with a lot of partners, and can admit that to herself and not be ashamed of it, will probably not turn out be damaged goods. Unusual goods, yes. But not damaged.

I'm somewhat hesitant to write about Ms. Slav as much as I have, because she is so unusual. A typical girl would generate less commentary from me. She'd be most concerned with pinning me down, and less concerned with sex with others. She'd be into following my lead. She'd be concerned with reciprocity.

While I’m not jealous per se, I do want to see people behave by the correct rules and principles. I try to impart those rules and principles to Ms. Slav. She has not totally absorbed them, however. I’m fine with group sex and non-monogamy if value is being exchanged for value. Ms. Slav is throwing the value equation out of whack, and I see it, and it makes me unhappy.

>>Separately: I read American Gods by Gaiman a few years ago (so-so book). He has a character called Pandora. She is like a lovely, predatory courtesan… she “consumes you” as you fuck her. And the character never came off as malevolent to me.

Maybe… maybe somewhere… there is a highly-sexed girl (as in 50+ partners) that comes out at the level of “sex goddess,” giving herself in this open, radiant way, year after year, with no corruption.

I am open to the concept… but I have never seen it.

I have seen it, I believe. Ms. Slav may be like this. I am thinking of another woman I was seeing for a while who has this kind of quality. Some of these women are just very independent and don't want to conventionally pair-bond. They don't want kids. They have self-sustaining, good jobs. It's not super common, but I have seen it. Ms. Slav may be like this. She has a lot of work ethic. Her family is very rich, too.

Some women like this become escorts, as they find sex variable: there is deep, emotional, intimate, partnered sex, and there is casual sex, and it is easy for them to slot a given sexual experience in a given slot. Why not make big bucks for doing something you're already doing for free? Kind of like how a lot of amateur pr0n is now being made under the aegis of Pornhub's "Verified Amateur" program, or as OnlyFans girls. Why give it away, when you have something valuable enough to make a few bucks at it?

I don't know what will happen with or to Ms. Slav. She's at least seven years away from thinking more seriously about kids and family. More likely ten years. A long time for me. An ocean for a girl her age. For me, time grows short.

What I’m up to isn’t for everyone. Yet many players are implicitly doing this. Sexually adventurous chicks are surely more responsive to players than sexually non-adventurous chicks. You probably aren’t getting many girls of this type among introverted Asians, however. Maybe some Japanese girls. I have heard about the kink clubs in Japan.