Basic sex party. Relationship skills

Basic sex party last night, a private one put on by people I know, but it was underattended... too large to be intimate but too small to be a rager with that powerful group ecstatic energy, like what the pentecostal sects generate when they speak in tongues and shit. Party could have used more face control too... some parties want to be elite and screen for hotties, while others want to be inclusive, under the assumption some hotties will be turned off by explicit exclusion. Personally I prefer parties/groups that prefer exclusiveness, but they're not always available, and vibe at them can be not optimal. Plus, they're sometimes tempted to hire talent to stock the pond... a move I don't like either. I want everyone there of their free will, not thinking about how they're f**king for cash.

I brought a date, and we net liked the environment. She's met many of my friends, and she behaves well in the environment. Taking a woman to a sex party is revealing... we all test each other by taking ourselves out of the "normal" environment and into a potentially more stressful one. Weekend trips that require planning and logistics tell partners more about each other than living an everyday life that is already set up. Same thing here. This one behaved well, although there probably wasn't much temptation there, cause the top guys and girls were absent.

One super weird thing happened: a pretty, slender mid 7, early to mid 20s, met me for the first time and started hitting on me pretty aggressively. She was there alone (unusual for pretty girls) and women as pretty as her almost never explicitly hit on me. I'm used to it from mid 6s and lower, but not from someone like her. It started with strong eye contact, chit chat, then her stroking my arm...! We separated, I went with my date elsewhere, and then my date and I were siting around an area where people chill out, and the pretty 7 came over to hit on me some more. Touching my leg and so on. A buddy who I like a lot, but who is also pretty chunky, talked to us for a while, so that took some pressure off, but his date is a jealous goblin (low 5 / 4), so he also felt restricted from taking a shot, despite him having a couple skills and interests she liked. I was a bit thrown off because I'm used to pursuing much more than being pursued.... it's also possible that if I'd been alone I wouldn't have been perceived as desirable. She was flat chested but had a pretty face, trim body, and nice ass. My buddy got her # in front of me and also passed it to me, so that was cool, but I don't think pursuit is compatible with my current life goals. She also said she got married at 18 and divorced shortly thereafter, so maybe she was late 20s and just seemed young. A couple things I told her about my life seemed to impress her disproportionately... one thing in particular that I sometimes tell people seems to impress them in a way it really shouldn't. I guess it's a status move to others that doesn't feel like that to me.

My date and I got to the party a little late, and after a lot of chat and introductions we went down, f**ked for a very long time, deployed toys, exhausted ourselves, and left. Before the party we got dinner with some friends of friends who were in town, and that was too much running around for a single night.

So it was a fine evening, just uncommon cause of that one girl offering herself up to f**k, I think. My date is not much into other girls and really not into people she doesn't know well, so that was a no-go. I wanted to pass her to my buddy but he was there with the jealous goblin (gotta protect the limited territory she's conquered), and he had the excuse of the thing he had to do this morning. As we were leaving the cute girl was still dressed and un-fucked, so maybe no one was to her taste? Or maybe she f**ked after I left. Collected the phone number via my buddy, as she knew, although her crazy eyes worry me. She is into something non-sexual I'm also into that not everyone is into.

Other stuff. Remember Short Dancer? She moved back to her small home town... a while ago I encouraged her on Facebook to come visit, for an implied f**k weekend. She replied by blocking me. Damn. Is that just a hard no? Or is she a little tempted and wants to remove herself from temptation, the same way I avoid the pastries and ice cream in the grocer's. If you're trying to make a life change... you want to set up systems and principles to make the changes, activities, etc. easy to do, almost automatic. To get buff, set up your gym schedule and stick to it no matter what. So every Tuesday at 630 you know you'll be in the gym. If you want to be monogamous... disconnect from people who tempt you away.

It's also possible Short Dancer is just really monogamous and she was/is emotionally hurt from me not being that way at that time. A lot of guys claim chicks are all cheaters, etc. If you think that I can only encourage you to try and get chicks to cheat with you. It can work but more often doesn't. I have a funny story from many months ago about a woman from yoga... she ended up halfheartedly jerking me off but it felt like I was still very far from getting it in her p***y, despite her liking to smoke up. Usually drugs are a strong slut tell but seemingly not for this girl, or not for her with me. It's been long enough that I have forgotten her name. I am sitting here trying to recall it. Fiona or something like that? It was unusual. With an F? Fiona? Phoenix? Or is it something else? I never saved her name in my phone and I had consistent problems remembering her name... she seems to have switched yoga studios too! She might also have been already f**king a male "friend" who came with her to some classes.

Back to Short Dancer: we are still connected in another social media medium, and I saw her latest, pro-boyfriend updates, and let me be immodest for a minute and say I'm way better than her boyfriend. I don't think he's a lateral move from me.... I think he's a considerable step down. I hope SD comes back for another round some time but I'm not optimistic. Most girls, they come and they go and I'm pretty whatever about them. SD has lodged in the mind. Objectively she's very cute but not exceptional, yet I really liked her. Around the time our affair ended I was going to whisper during sex that I love her. I still really like her, despite her not having that much personality. I can't describe much about what she's like... just very pleasant to be around and f**k. Most girls I like being around, I can say why, or give a flavor of their personality. Not this one. If she is monogamous, I wonder if she wants to do a family much sooner than I would have guessed. Maybe she would have been good for that role but at the time I was busy with a girl tornado and figured that I could convert her to non-monogamy.

With the new woman, it's good, don't get me wrong. It's fine. But there often seems like there's an undercurrent of business in our sex life. I like her for a lot of reasons, one of them being that she checks off a lot of boxes for me... and she might like me for the same reasons. Not a situation that leads to maximum passion. There is probably a need to choose between "maximum passion" and "best life partner." We have all read stories about 35-40 year old women lamenting the lack of "good" men who are tall, fit, wealthy, good earners, passionate, expert lovers, monogamous, willing to invest in an older woman... and we have all made fun of those stories, as we should, because the women in them are delusional and unreasonable. If you're a guy, it is also hard to maximize for best sex and also for best suited for family. We hear less about this from guys because for most guys it's a struggle to get one woman, let alone to choose among women. And our culture doesn't give a fig about guys, so no one is going to write about male struggle. Players also chase best sex and don't care much about life partner qualities, but if you want to do family, you want to optimize for something else. People who wind up treating relationships as disposable and a field for optimization can have a hard time treating relationships as non-disposable and non-commodity. This paragraph is another installment in the thinking I was talking about in “Picking up girls” skills and “long-term relationships” skills. There's some overlap but also some difference. I've got another post, inspired by red pill dad, coming later this week.